On Friday, February 15th, I was driving on Tower Road in Winnetka, Illinois (on my way to visit my mom) and was listening to my voicemails. I came to a stop (well, sort of) at a Stop sign at a 3-way stop, proceeded up Tower Road, and turned Right on Hibbard Road. As I turned I noticed a Winnetka Police car behind me. The cars lights started flashing and I pulled over to the side of the road. “Oh no, what did I do? Right! Now I remember—Winnetka has a no cell phone rule!”

As the driver’s side window lowered, I heard, “Excuse me, ma’am (not so Southern and friendly sounding—more tough-guy Chicago style), you didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign at Tower and Vernon. May I have your license and insurance,  please?”

“This is a rental car. I’m from Kansas. Here’s my license.” I handed it to him and then also added my rental car contract.

“Do you have a good driving record, ma’am (still the tough Chicago sounding “ma’am”)? If so, I’ll just give you a warning.”

“I have a clean driving record, Officer.”

Let’s pause here—Cliff’s notes of the past few blog entries will bring you up-to-speed: July, 2006 I received a speeding ticket in Kansas City, Kansas, where they allow people to plead down to a non-moving violation when they show up on a specific court date; I forgot to show up; the State of Kansas reminded me of the missed court date by suspending my driver’s license; my trusty attorney talked to the powers that be in KC, KS, and I was allowed to still change from speeding to jaywalking and the State of Kansas lifted my suspension; or, so I thought…

Back to Feb. 15: As the policeman processed my license, I patiently waited and worked a Sudoku puzzle. When I looked up I noticed the policeman was talking to another policeman in a second police car. “I sure wish they’d visit on their own time!” I thought. “Maybe I’ll give them the ‘North Shore entitlement  glare’! That might get him moving!”

Window on its way down, I heard, “Please step out of the car, ma’am (was this a more menacing “ma’am” or was I just imagining it?). You are driving on a suspended license. I cannot allow you to drive in the State of Illinois until you have a valid license. I could take you to jail; however, I will move your car to a side street and you will have to arrange to have it picked up. Should you be caught driving, I promise you that you will go to jail!”

“My license is not suspended!” I protested.

“Ma,am,” a new and more menacing voice said, “When we punched in your license number, Kansas responded it is suspended.” The new voice was attached to a taller, older cop who apparently arrived to help control this potentially unruly Kansan. “We could take you to jail, but we won’t. The officer will issue you a warning and you can call for someone to pick you up.”

As I fumbled for my phone, the officer softened, “Where are you on your way to?”

“My mom’s at the Mews.”

“Okay, put your phone away. I’ll take you there. Please get in the back seat of the car and be careful because the seat is firm.”

So, began my odyssey of experiencing a ride in the back seat of a police car. By the way, the back seat is, indeed, “firm!” It’s made of molded plastic—definitely practical but oh-so-NOT Winnetka! Arriving at my mom’s, I exited the comfy back seat, turned to the cop and said, “This is probably not the best time to ask you this, but would you like to experience a voyage into Outer Space? I am an Accredited Space Agent for Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic. Would you like me to send you some literature about Virgin Galactic?”

So, no sweat (bad pun–if you’ve been reading my previous posts!), I just show up at the courthouse in Kansas City, Kansas, on the appointed date and time and speeding will become jaywalking or a missing hubcap or something, right?

Well, not exactly—I forgot to write down the date I was to be in court and got busy with life. We had a lot going on:  we were packing up our belonging having just sold our house and were off to India for a week right before we moved (Do you detect a setup for an excuse for forgetting???).

 From time to time I remembered that I missed the court date. I told myself,  ”I need to call the city and find out what to do!” Then, promptly turned my attention to something else. Embarrassed? Lazy? Fear? Whatever, the motive and the motive behind the motive, I never followed up on my speeding ticket.

It took awhile for me to notify people of our new address so most mail arrived at the new house with the yellow forwarding sticker from the post office (they’re so helpful, you know!). One day when retrieving my mail, I noticed an unusual letter from the City of Kansas City, Kansas. “Oh no, not another solicitation for the Policemen’s Circus for Underprivileged Urchins again!” I thought. Wrongo, oh forgetful one! This was a letter informing me that my license was suspended because I never showed up in court, never paid my ticket! Now that got my attention and, putting aside all my excuses, I called my attorney for guidance.

He talked to the District Attorney’s Office in KCKS, explained that I had forgotten, yada,yada, yada, and the city agreed to allow me to plead to a non-moving violation of jaywalking (honest to God!) and my attorney told me, “All is well!”, sent me a bill for his services and the fine levied by KCKS—which I paid immediately!

So, I’m too busy? too important? too stupid? The “I’ll take care of it when I get around to it” attitude failed miserably. Why don’t I just do the next right thing, follow the rules, show up in court, and be done with it?

Hmmm……

I haven’t blogged for quite awhile. I confess I’ve become a politics/talking head fanatic lately! I am so excited that we will soon be able to elect a new President of the USA and I’ve immersed myself in the process. For example, I live in the State of Kansas, a Caucus state. On Super Tuesday, I attended the Democratic Caucus to support Barack Obama. Although I am an Independent, I was allowed to change my preference before entering the caucus. Our state overwhelmingly supported Obama (almost 75%)—very unusual because we are a red state. Yes, we have a Democratic governor, Kathleen Sebelius (who is very, very impressive—gave the Dem’s rebuttal to Bush’s “State of the Union” Speech this year—good rebuttal, presentation a little stiff) and in the area of Kansas in which we live, Democrats are almost a secret underground society–until this election!

So, what’s with the title of this blog, “Rules Don’t Apply”? There are obvious connections to our current political situation: i.e. the “reasons” we declared war on Iraq–made up lies—oops, RDA!; how Bush “won” the election in 2000-thank you Kathryn Harris—oops, RDA!; stacking the Justice Department based on party affiliation—oops, RDA!; Hillary Clinton wanting the Michigan and Florida primaries to count as is—oops, RDA!; Michael Vick; Britney Spearsetc, etc, etc. You get the point!

How about closer to home, very, very close to home–as in, where am I in regards to RDA in my actions?

Here’s a few things I use to check whether I am within or above the “law”:

Do I drive the speed limit? A few miles over the limit but not enough to be stopped by the cops? Speed limit—what speed limit?

Do I park my car where parking isn’t allowed? Handicapped spaces? Fire lanes? Ignoring “no parking at any time” because I’ll only be away from the car for a few minutes? Or because it’s cold? Rainy? yada, yada, yada?

Do I pay income tax? Honestly? Fudgingly? Who cares—I love prison garb?

Whether it’s inconvenient, nonsenical (according to me, the arbiter of “Right and Appropriate Rules”), my ego roaring, questionable priorities, or lack of integrity (if I’m not caught, it doesn’t count), I really strive more often than not to behave. Believe me, I’m not patting myself on the back. In fact, in further blog entries, I’ll share what happens when RDA rules my life.

Below is a link to Earth Clock, which shows what our current lifestyle is doing to our environment—socially, culturally, and phsyically:

http://www.poodwaddle.com/clocks3.htm

Apply for a Passport or review the one you have.  Now wasn’t that a great, simple resolution? No food to weigh, clutter to organize, or daily aerobic exercize!

You may recall the fiasco that ensued when people suddenly realized they needed to have a passport to travel to destinations that previously only required a certified birth certificate, etc. Our Senators and Representatives even had appointed staff members whose sole function was to assist you in expediting your passport application through the issuance process. Next, Congress delayed the implementation date of the new law requiring valid US Passports for travel in the Western Hemisphere by auto or ship. Anyone traveling by air has needed a passport for quite some time.

Now Congress and the Department of Homeland Security are at it again. The latter wants the law implemented some time this summer while the former slipped some verbiage into an omnibus spending bill requesting the law not go into effect until June, 2009. Now, add in the reaction of the countries/islands you are planning to visit and you get total confusion. Many small Caribbean countries are unaware of the proposed delays and are currently requiring travelers to carry a valid US Passport. In short, you can get several different “opinions” on whether you’ll need a passport for your travel and the catch is that this is not a multiple choice test.

I can assure you from experience that within the US and in countries abroad I’ve received different answers to what seemed to be simple questions. For example, when flying internationally, how many carryon bags can a person bring? Oh, and what constitutes a carryon bag? Since the suspected bomb assembly scare occurred in London, the Brits have banned travelers from carrying more than one “carryon” (Is a purse a carryon? It depends on the agent checking you through security, the agent checking your boarding pass, etc). Now we are allowed to carry 2 bags in Great Britain. The problem is that sometimes these changes in law don’t filter to the “Powers that be” at airports who actually can keep you from boarding a plane.

I’ve heard people explain that they aren’t planning to leave the US in the foreseeable future. If I could accurately foresee the future, I’d pick next Saturday’s Powerball numbers and retire! Why wait until you’re ready for a vacation outside the US, then find that you need a passport and because of the beaurocratic nightmare of the passport process, you won’t be able to secure one?

Other things to consider for those of you smugly gloating because you already have a passport: When does your passport expire? Most countries require you to carry a passport that is valid for AT LEAST six months after your travel dates. How many blank pages do you have in your passport? Many countries require Visas and that you present a certain number of BLANK Visa pages in your passport.

So, do yourself a favor—get a Passport or renew your Passport today!

I am filled with gratitude today! I am sitting on my bed with my two dogs blanketing me as I gaze outside at a winter wonderland—you know, one of those scenes where the sun’s rays bounce off the freshly fallen snow. I have so much goodness and love in my life and have been blessed with so many varied and rich experiences. I’ve met brothers and sisters around the world (in Ravello, Stratford on Avon, Jerusalem, Raiataia, Helsinki, Cairns, St. Petersburg, Agra, Valparaiso, Luxor, Fernandina, Kuala Lumpur, the Great Barrier Reef, Whistler, Shanghai, Cusco, Kansas City, Ushuaia, and Anguilla—to name a few) who have taught me the meaning of words such as grace, hope, and love. Some have taught me about gluttony, greed; about apathy, disdain; about war, AIDS, and death. All have left an imprint on my soul that have led to the joy I have today. You see, I am a member of the Lucky Sperm Club! I had no control over choosing my parents, my homeland, and the abundance of food, healthcare, and education. It is not enough for me to “feel” grateful because I’ve learned that my feelings are not facts! Today I know that gratitude is an action word. How can I do “gratitude?” To give daily—time, hugs, a phone call, money, stuff—is my way to thank God for all the incredible gifts I have received. Some days I am more miserly than others and I discover I’ve slipped back into the world of ME. That is okay today because I am, day by day, becoming a better Giver and less of a Taker. Many days I treasure the fact that the journey is the destination. Becoming a member of the Lucky Sperm Club was a gift—as simple as that—a gift that has taken me years to unwrap and treasure.

We live in a world of excess—excessive eating, drinking, amassing stuff, emotions, highs, lows, even excessive “in betweens!” We are ruled by the exclamation point and by the appendage “-est” —okay is NOT an option. Okay becomes the boringest—the worsest! Even our language is subject to this phenomenon—the best grammar is reserved for “elitists” and lack of grammar is for the dummest or coolest, depending on your point-of-view.

We sleep on a sidewalk outside a store in hopes of snagging one of this year’s hottest holiday gifts—the Wii. I mean, really, can you imagine a holiday get-together without one? Please!

We dream of how we can get one extra mile per gallon out of our Hummer—yes, for multiples thousands of dollars a mechanic can convert your gas guzzling vehicle into a diesel or hybrid engine. Thank God! I certainly couldn’t live without my Hummer. What would people say? 

And how about our places of worship? Today one can vie for being a member of the biggest, largest, newest, oldest, most spiritual, truest,  super-evangical “We are Saved” church, synagogue, mosque, etc.

We are Americans! We have the best, are the best, build the best, and who cares about the rest of the world? We wrestle with the real problems—immigration, global warming (“Honey, would you turn the heat up a tad?”), whether to nominate a woman, a Black, a preacher, various womanizers, a Mormon as President of this Superpower we call the U. S. of A.. And, we really thought the world would come to an end when we elected a Catholic???

We are immune to the happenings in the rest of the world or we feign interest if it benefits our resume. “Quaint”—a word used to describe a horrific slum, Mukuru, in Nairobi, Kenya, “but not something I really want to see when traveling!” said by a woman I know. An oil spill in South Korea—pity! Thank God it didn’t happen here—where it would have meant something! Floating garbage in the Pacific Ocean the size of the state of Texas—disgusting, truly disgusting! But don’t look at me! I don’t litter. (“Honey, did you remember to bring the bottled water?”)

Not my problem! Not my fault! I can’t cure all the world’s ills! Okay, I’m with you on that. How about working on just one thing? One thing that one person could do to help repair our world? Would you do it? Sure, sure thing—as soon as Super Sunday Football is over…

…that grabbing an assault rifle and killing some innocent people before taking one’s own life is an acceptable way to display anger?

For some odd reason I was grocery shopping this morning—early, really early—at least for me! It was 8:00 AM, Sunday morning—that’s obscenely early to be up and functioning! I perused the aisles, grabbing chopped pecans, yams, onions, cranberries, and marshmallows. “You aren’t really going to get those marshmallows, are you?”asked one lady. ”Come on, get the generic brand. Who’s going to know?” another offered. “Someone might see your trash and inadvertently notice you didn’t use the Kraft marshmallows! Are you really ready for that shame?”

I quickly realized the Ladies had joined me at the grocery store. They pop up unpredictably and eagerly offer me advice. Sometimes they all speak at once, making the talking heads on The View seem polite. “Look, you guys! I know what I am doing! Leave me alone! I am perfectly capable of choosing which marshmallows to buy!”

“Remember when she bought those off-brand almonds?” the cranky I-told-you-so addressed the Ladies. “Can we say ’stale’???” “Besides, who would consider buying almonds at CVS, for God’s sake?”

I continued shopping, doing my best to ignore the Ladies. Sometimes, when I hum, the Ladies quiet down. Either they find the melody soothing or have gone into hiding because I’ve never been accused of having a great singing voice! Things settled down for awhile—until I was wheeling my cart determinedly and stopped suddenly. What was I on my way to get? “Look around, sweetie, maybe you’ll remember when you see it” I can count on Auntie Em to always offer loving support. “She’s not going to remember! Let’s go. I’m bored!” whined the spoiled brat.

Reluctantly, I turned the cart around and headed to the checkout line. “This ought to be interesting!” the Know-it-All said with disdain. “Either she’ll find the longest line or the cash register will break!” “Pick that line over there! It’s got lots of candy and those celebrity magazines!” suggested the bored suburbanite. “I just love reading all those headlines about Lindsay, Britney, Angelina and Brad!” I fooled the ladies on this one! I was the first person in line and didn’t even look at the candy or magazines.

Feeling a sense of victory, I whipped out my debit card, correctly slid it through the card reader, entered my pin number, hit yes, hit yes again for cash back and politely took the $20 bill from the cashier. The Ladies had the last hurrah, “Hurry, take the money. Just stash it in your handbag.” “Don’t make the person behind you wait while you put the money in your purse!” “Did you see the look you got from the lady behind you? She thinks you’re awfully slow and awkward!” “Take your time; put the money away; zip the purse and calmly walk out,” offered Dr. Phyllis, “Show them you have a sense of self worth!”

I am now back at home and am exhausted by the constant chatter of the Ladies. I know them intimately; they are my fears and my history. Others may have given me these messages, but I am the one keeping them around. They don’t come to visit as often as they used to. Maybe, I’m finally starting to grow up and be comfortable in my own skin—ya think?