Kia ora (don’t you just love it when I speak Maori?),
I’m resting comfortably in the ϋber equipped Air New Zealand Koru Lounge in Auckland and happy to report that my sinusitis is surprisingly clearing up. “How,” I hear you asking, “is that possible? Aren’t you on a marathon of flights to Perth Australia? How can anyone feel better after flying hours and hours, not to mention the 17 hour time difference between Auckland and home?”
I’m so glad you asked and I will now share my secret cure, trusting you won’t rush to patent it before I do:
The first part can be a bit of a bummer: get sick immediately prior to leaving on a long vacation to somewhere far, far away with transportation via Air New Zealand. [ Disclaimer: the pain of obtaining the said infection can be ameliorated if one obtains it from a smooshy kiss from your lover, partner, spouse (oh, to be politically correct can be so laborious!) ].
Knowing your itinerary calls for more flights than an air marshal takes in a month, head to the airport with a carry-on replete with a pharmacy of goodies to combat the nasty bacteria lurking in your body. For people flying within the US, you can obtain the intro to your cure if you are flying on Southwest Airlines. You immediately begin to breathe better when you discover Southwest doesn’t gouge you with fees-baggage fees, pillow fees, blanket fees, food fees, entertainment fees and just-because fees. Also, Southwest usually observes the “NO SURLINESS” rule, you have a good chance of being treated with civility rather than as a dog who seems to be an obedience class failure.
After being denied access to the Premium Lounge for Air New Zealand in LAX, don’t be surprised if you notice your symptoms return-congestion, headache, etc. I assure you this is only a temporary setback and can be attributed to the Air New Zealand agent on duty who deemed us “unworthy” because these tickets were, in part, a gift of our host, Swain Tours, and we didn’t have to drain our savings to purchase them.
Passing on a sumptuous dinner, I adjusted my seat to a position that can only be described as soothing and fantasized about THE BED. Soon, the fantasy became a reality and I slept quite comfortably and uninterrupted for almost 10 of the 12 hours it takes to get from LAX to AUK (I talk airline speak, too!).
On awakening, Paul served me a multi-course breakfast of fruit, yogurt, granola, crepes and coffee (Everyone needs a Paul). I could have had an omelet or other morning fare, but crepes sounded so worldly! I managed a quick “freshen up” moment (after so many hours my mascara was firmly planted under my eyes á la Rocky Raccoon), returned to my seat, and, voila, welcome to Auckland AND physical health! Actually, I’m not yet without symptoms, but darn close. A few more hours of R&R in the Koru Lounge, and I’ll be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Superman has nothing on me!
Barbara S. King l Co-President l Great Getaways l greatgetaways.travel l Virtuoso member
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