Jul 31
All together now, “No more clamshells!”
Uncategorized No Comments »Let's start with the fact that I am not talking about bivalve mollusks! I am starting a campaign to end "clamshell packaging." Below are a few examples of the dreaded, demonic stuff:
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Okay, now that we are all on the same page, let me describe my most recent experience with this evil, non-environmentally friendly invention.
This afternoon I purchased a Flip Video, a simple-to-use camcorder that plugs into one's computer via USB. Hopefully, in the near future, I'll share some priceless video moments with you here…that is, if and when I can extract the Flip from its clamshell.
In theory, packaging something in an attractive and non-shoplifting manner makes perfect sense. After all, the Flip is small (not much bigger than a cell phone), valuable and could easily be pocketed and whisked out of a store without anyone noticing. In reality I know that clamshells were the invention of some demented mental hospital workers, orthopaedic surgeons, dentists, and nail technicians—and don't forget knife sharpeners!
Arriving home I set the entombed Flip on the kitchen counter and studied it. Where should I make the first cut, stab, saw-mark? What tools need I assemble to tackle the "freeing of the Flip"? I gathered a plethora of items that might, just might (if I hold my grip tight enough) yield a small sliver of an opening that, God willing (You are willing, aren't you, God?), will eventually lead to Flip Freedom. The scissors were useless—how many times, Barbara, must you try the scissors routine? Don't you know that clamshells have an anti-scissors sensor and cripple the hand trying to use scissors? Ahhhh, maybe this will work—corn-on-the-cob skewers! They're very sharp and might pierce the clamshell; but, alas, while they did pierce a small hole, the clamshell beat back the skewers and bent them—yes, bent them! The nerve! Okay, now I'm getting serious–the fight is on! Out comes the Cutco serrated knife (Cutco, you do promise to sharpen my knives for life, right?). Eureka! I got a 4 inch opening and…
Ouch! OMG, my aching thumb! Where's Dr. Cheng and her magic steroid shot when I need her (it's cool, I'm not a ball player!). Holding my now useless right hand with my fairly non-functioning left hand, I surveyed the imprisoned Flip. I swear it was laughing at me, thinking how funny it would be to video me trying to extricate it from the clamshell. Oh dear, now I'm hallucinating…help! I mopped the sweat that, by now, was dripping down my face, dried my hands, and with renewed vigor used my Cutco saw, I mean knife, and little by little, I created another 4 inch opening perpendicular to the first!
I am 61 years old and will never win a strength contest—especially hand strength, so I couldn't just peel the plastic back to release my prize, the Flip. However, forever the optimist, I continued hacking away at the clamshell. It was getting personal now–Barbara versus the clamshell (I wonder what the Vegas odds would have been?).
I won't bore you with the rest of the details—suffice to say, perseverance paid off and I am proudly holding my new toy. Have you ever had to return something and you are instructed to bring it back in its original packaging or there will be a "restocking fee?" There is no way, should I need to return the flip that I can restore the packaging to its "original" shape and, speaking of fees, who is going to pay for my visit to the orthopaedic surgeon, the nail technician, and the knife sharpener (not to worry, Dr. Mingos, I didn't try to use my teeth!)???
So, what's your take on clamshell packaging? Sony has decided to quit using it. Let's get people via Twitter, Facebook, whatever, to rise up and scream, "I'm mad as Hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
